This weekend was both positive and negative. Let’s start with the positive:
I decided I’d be a mostly silent energy holder most of the weekend. So the first night, I danced blindfolded for hours; it was both for a personal experience, and more than self experience, for more than me. I will delve further in the next post. The highlight was having someone come up while I was doing that, and say “I really appreciate what you’re doing”, then having that person come up the next day, very curious about my motivations and experiences… and to find that person is a Krishna Zen Master… who said I was doing what he would have done. That he was watching me closely and experiencing with me, and found what I was doing beautiful. Perhaps I am finding my place in life after all. I should have known it was a solitary one.
The next day, I chose to lay in the stream on my air mattress. The was one dragonfly in particular who became simply enamored with me; as well as 3-4 of his friends (2 of them interlocked in mating ritual the entire time). After the 4th or 5th time of the particular dragonfly alighting upon me, a girl of about 9 years old proclaimed that I must name it. So I did. “Gregario”. For the next 45 minutes to hour… Gregario’s friends would come frequently to rest on me, or to play with Gregario. Gregario… was something else. I eventually put my finger out when he would hover by my face, and he landed on it. He would rest for minutes, then fly off to play with the others, then come back, and alight on my finger again. I cannot even count how many times he landed, rested, took off, came back to my finger. Dozens. He even came back with a bug one time and, feeling safe, devoured it upon my knuckle. I may not be good at communicating with people, but all other beings I have no problems with.
The negative: It was my first foray into a large group/festival minded experience, other than the full moon gathering in Maui, which was much smaller, since last summer. And a lot has changed. My energy sensitivity has only increased since not having to have my “city shields up constantly? I found my shields throwing themselves up so strongly that I was blocking the few people I wished to talk to, along with the mass frenetic energy that I cannot handle constantly receiving. I tried to remedy that situation, but did not succeed, other than in a few short bursts.
One more positive… shortly after lamenting to a friend that I was blocking folks and unable to stop/making myself unapproachable… mere minutes actually… A woman on a random walk felt drawn to me, and we chatted for a half hour or so. She was a healer, and that makes sense. I was feeling very disconnected, and it helped me to feel a bit more connected.
Ultimately, the “too much energy” situation took over again… but I do feel I gained a more conscious understanding of how I can deal with such in the future.
So… not the most “fun” weekend, as I was hoping for after a long more than month of stress/work/confusion and lalalalaaaa… but ultimately… I do feel it was a definite transition point in the progression I am on, and did end up being positive overall, thanks to further understanding of self and relation to the other.